haggis stabbers [Food/Vendor]

2016 Jan 13
My new tool/jig arrived today and I put it to the test immediately.

Reading the instructions (which I'll admit I had a pretty good grasp of already, but I read them again just the same), setting up the tool and making my first pair took less than 10 minutes. This thing is so easy that a child could use it, with proper supervision.

I think they came out pretty well. I need a bit more practice getting the octagonal ends more uniform, but the diamond finials on the ends are perfect.

I'm thinking I might have to have a noodle party where people have to make their own implements or they don't eat.

I tried to get into NoodleFest next weekend, but they're already full of vendors.
Poop.

Not many people know that these were originally invented by the people of what is now known as Scotland. As such, I'm trying to keep that heritage alive with the new name.

I may be lying.

2016 Jan 17
I asked all my creative friends, and I think we have a winner for a new name.

Table Cabers.

2016 Jan 26
Probably the last update on this subject. I'm looking for notes on the entry below, which is likely going to be my product page for this product.

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Hipster Forks (chopsticks)

The Höggvastafur was first invented by the nomadic peoples in Scandinavia, and they only needed one. It was a slender, carved wooden implement used for eating. Often, it was used to impale their food (and sometimes, their enemies), and several games came from its use. Children would be taught to balance bowls of gruel on their höggvastafur and to eat from the bowl without using their hands. Flipping chunks of meat into the air and poking other family members before the piece landed back into the pot became acceptable around most dinner tables. Golf.

Later, the idea was stolen by a visiting Asiatic trader and taken back to the Far East where it was incorporated into their style of cuisine. Their grasp of the use and true nature of this tool was a mystery, and a second stick was added to make eating easier. This is a style of cuisine that has lasted to this day, where the Northern peoples moved on and discovered the fork, spoon, and knife.

Bringing back this inscrutable utensil for the 21st century, one can only marvel at the dexterity needed to use only one. A pair are supplied for the beginners, and graduation to the use of a single höggvastafur is not guaranteed. Only a lifetime of practice can bring the mastery that it truly deserves.

I've decided to use the name Hipster Forks as a cheeky way to lure those foodies to this page. There is a certain irony that I'm sure they will appreciate.

Some may know them as chopsticks, or table cabers (a seldom used variation used by Scottish archaeologists).

I've planed these down from the once mighty trees they started as, and lightly finished them with a coat of food-grade mineral oil. All the maintenance required is another wipe of oil when needed, about once a year for the average user.

Please, for the love of god, do not put these in the dishwasher. Just wash them by hand. How hard is that? Not very.

MATERIALS:
[IN STOCK]
- cherry
- maple
- ironwood (extremely limited)
[COMING SOON]
- walnut
- padauk
- purpleheart
- leopardwood
- tigerwood (not Tiger Woods)
- ebony
- bones of my enemies

PRICING:
$10/pair
$1000/gross pair