ottawa foodies

Ever make something in your kitchen that didn't work out as well as you'd hoped? Of course you have. As Fran Liebowitz said, "If you think you're the first person to think of adding lime juice to scalloped potatoes, there must be a reason."

Last night I made a lovely dish that I'd made many times before. It's very simple. Angel hair pasta with a sauce made from cream, egg yolks, lemon juice and lemon zest with fresh parmesan, butter and pepper. Easy.

This time I substituted pasta died black with squid ink. The black pasta mixed with the yellow strings of lemon and creamy sauce was not very appetizing to look at, let me tell you. It tasted fine, but the Dragonlady wouldn't eat it.

FAIL

The last time I tried to make stew and dumplings they came out like rocks. Completely inedible. I was very sad because I love me some stew dumplings. Don't know what I did wrong.

FAIL

I burn things and overcook things because I'd rather be checking my email or Twitter than standing in front of a stove or barbeque. I'm sure that the modern computer has been the downfall of many homecooked meals, and not just mine.

My first attempt at cooking on my own was to make an anniversary cake for my parents when I was about ten years old. I found a box of chocolate cake mix and on the box it said "Grease the pan" so I did - with leftover fish frying grease. I baked it in an oblong pan and iced it with icing mix. When I sliced it and served it to my parents there was about 1/4" of solidified fish grease on the bottom of each slice. I was convinced it was delicious, and my parents gagged down a few mouths full without comment, but they do love to tell that story now.

I once wasted about $20 worth of wild blueberries on what sounded like a good idea: Cold wild blueberry soup. Can't remember what magazine the recipe came out of, but it was a total fail. It ended up tasting like a bowl full of pureed blueberry slop with a splash of grand marnier and a spoon of sour cream. In fact,no surprise, that's what it was. Doh!

The first time I tried baking bread, I was about 17 yrs old. My parents were away somewhere for the day, so I thought it a good time to give it a whirl -- I've never been a fan of spectators when trying something new.

I forgot about letting it rise the second time before baking and ended up burying my Molasses Rolled Oat bricks in the back garden and washing the pans before anyone got home so I wouldn't get teased. ;)